Of Bleach and Fire
by cervocerus
Summary: It wasn't Axel's fault. It really wasn't, but when oceans flooded his lungs and drowned his eyes, he knew he didn't stop it.


Of Bleach and Fire - Chapter One - Drowning

**Pairing: **AkuRoku (Axel/Roxas from Kingdom Hearts)

**Rating: **NC-17 (Though this chapter is just PG-13)

**The Gist of things: **It wasn't Axel's fault. It really wasn't, but when oceans flooded his lungs and drowned his eyes, he knew he didn't stop it.

* * *

Axel waited quietly at the edge of the bench, the smoke dangling loosely from his lips as a silent reminder of how long he's been waiting. When he threw the butt down, crushing it with his feet, he accepts the fact that it was _too long._

It was cold that day, the campus barely living as people refused to leave their rooms. Being close to the beach increased the wind, and Axel kept shivering but refused to cover himself.

It only took the brunette three more minutes to find him, tapping him on the shoulder and smiling.

"Hey," was all Axel could breathe out, lips blue and eyes off.

"Let's get inside," Demyx murmured, grasping him and Axel wondered how much body heat he must have lacked, how Demyx felt like a furnace.

They walked a couple of blocks, Demyx's apartment laughing at them through closed windows and broken doors, and it took everything Axel had not to shrug off the shorter man and run. Run as far as he could, straight into the ocean and drown himself. He felt his skin sag as they walked up the stairs.

It took Demyx a few minutes to open the door and Axel swore he felt his fingers fall off, landing gently on the snow beside his feet and watched them crawl away like the worms they were.

"Get inside, man."

Demyx's apartment wasn't much better than outside. No heater and no warmth. It wasn't until Axel realized he was being pushed gently to the couch and given a blanket that he noticed he was tired.

Demyx never asked. He rarely did.

It was one of those days.

—

When Axel was thirteen, he made a full on collision with a bus.

Or that's what he told people, anyways.

His teachers were worried, how could he have broken both his arms? It was easier than they thought. Jumping from the roof of your house can do that to you. Jumping with nothing but concrete to soften the blow. And it did just that.

He wasn't really thinking about it when he jumped. It's not like he wanted to kill himself, and it wasn't really his fault. But the feeling, the endless uncertainty for those three seconds in the air, the drop, that got him off. He was already planning to do it again when Demyx came into the picture.

Demyx with his fucking weird haircut to counter Axel's fucking weird hair color. With a bag of something that made Axel feel like he was flying again, no broken arms this time.

—

When Axel was fifteen, and it really wasn't his fault, he fell into a deep sleep that lasted three days. His mother likes to remind him about it every now and then, before _cleaning _his room.

He wondered how she even thought he'd hide anything in there.

He wondered when she stopped noticing he wasn't home.

—

Axel woke up to find himself on the cool wooden floor, the taste of bleach in his mouth and salt water in his eyes. He felt like he was drowning.

Demyx was on the phone, in the kitchen, something burning but Axel didn't bother to speak up, just walk to the bathroom, rubbing the crust out of his eyes, and scowling at how flat his hair looked on one side, and what the actual fuck was going on on the other.

He brushed his teeth, Demyx wouldn't mind if he used the same toothbrush anyways, and finger combed his hair into something half cool and indifferent, before making his way to the kitchen, and miserably Demyx greeting him with burnt toast, and a smile on the red-head's face.

—

They got their classes by eight, Demyx waving his goodbye and dashing off, leaving Axel the wonderful challenge of focusing in English 101. An easy class, faking his way with his horrible Italian accent to get in, get the good grade, and worm his way out.

It wasn't until today that something seemed off. The class was relatively full, as usual. Yet, there was something missing. Three seats away and down two rows, there. The empty seat usually filled by a petit blond, some French idiot with weird eyes and silly faces. Axel used to catch himself glancing his way, and the tease that the taller man was, he'd lick his lips and wiggle his eyebrows.

They had never actually spoken and something about how he noticed that the male wasn't here left him uneasy, a sinking feeling in his gut that crawled about and nestled itself right near the end.

Axel felt things crawling on his skin when nothing was there.

—

Axel made his way home safely, no random bouts of sadness, no philosophical bullshit dancing around in his head. Nothing, and he rather enjoyed the silence.

Collapsing on his bed was just as easy, a sigh escaping him, clothing clung and he dozed off.

Dreaming of bleach and fire.

Axel rolled out of bed two days later. He brushed his teeth, had some coffee, and brushed his teeth again. A battle with his clothes and a war with his hair, Axel was ready to give up living that day and crawl back into the covers.

Yet, the classes said no, and Axel was out the door in minutes, jogging down the street to the bus stop. Blond hair greeted him and Axel remembered why he never took the bus.

"Hey," the male said, looking up from his book and drowning Axel in his eyes like a fucking ocean and Axel forgot how to swim. A shrug was the response, even if it was out of place.

"Hey yourself."

The silence was scratching at his ears as he checked his phone for the sixth time.

"What did we do in class?"

The voice was a lamp in the dark and Axel was nearly blinded by the suddenness of it. He rolled the smoke on his lips, not remembering where he got it, or how it was in his mouth, and smiled at the blond, hoping his teeth weren't yellowing. "Nothing much, shorty."

The boy's face cringed slightly in a scowl that seemed too perfect for his face it was disgusting as he turned away from the tall male and back to the book shaking in his hands. He should have worn gloves, Axel vaguely thought to himself, breathing out and watching the smoke curl around in the air, a forbidden dance that he could only see and never join.

The bus couldn't get here any sooner.


End file.
